Jul 11, 2015

Four Hispanics Work With a White Prep School Kid in a Falafel Shop; You Won’t Believe What Happened NEXT

By on Saturday, July 11, 2015

 Have you heard this one? Two Hondurans, an Ecuadorean, and an indistinct guy who speaks Spanish as his first language work the night shift in a falafel shop with a white prep school kid.
You wouldn’t believe what happened next.
You haven’t heard this one? Well, I’m sorry in advance, but I have to tell you this humdinger.

Noah Phillips, 23, grew up in the lovely and luxurious neighborhood of Friendship Heights in Northwest Washington, D.C. He had this one crazy year in the trenches of fast food. The Washington Post recently deemed his story fit to publish.
This is how it goes: Phillips decides to get into the grit of humanity as a teenager by working at a falafel shop in Adams Morgan, you know, the same trendy part of Northwest Washington that once housed the Post’s own Carl Bernstein and scandalized (and innocent) ex-congressman Gary Condit. I’m talking gritty. When you get out of the nightclubs there in the middle of the night, you have to be careful. You could trip over some uneven sidewalk.
Sadly, Phillips thinks this portion of town represents the greater global reality because there are (gasp) “people of color” there. And if you go by the story he tells, they didn’t like him. Here’s the best part – he thinks it’s because he’s white. It may be because he’s a jerk.
“I tried to escape my privilege with low-wage work. Instead I came face to face with it.,” The Washington Post, July 9, 2015.
Phillips goes on to explain that the others in the store really wanted the privileged cashier’s job, which Phillips details is where he had to deal with all the drunk assholes every night. Yeah, you could see why the others would covet that position. I mean, they’ve probably never seen “mostly young, mostly white, and entirely wasted souls” in those special and exotic places from which they originated.
But he implies that the others weren’t given the cashier position because their English wasn’t of prep-school quality, and obviously, they couldn’t be trusted with the money. So his bosses of undefined race (goodness, is anyone in this falafel joint from the Middle East?) are clearly jerks. Hey, but no judgment.
However, if his telltale concoction does not explain why his coworkers couldn’t stand him, let’s take another look for a brief moment at how his little brain works, and see if there may not be an alternative explanation.

A quick breakdown for those who don’t see it immediately: Could it be that Phillips’ coworkers disliked him because he thought of them as uneducated, shallow, closed-minded, CHRISTIAN bigots? I mean, Phillips says in very few column inches that people like David had a “cultural perspective” that wrongly make them think gay sex is unacceptable.
Phillips then implies that all the other, white educated people who come into the falafel shop probably think like him, in other words, are acclimated to the “touchy-feely” beliefs spewed out of his prep school. So basically, dark Christian people can’t relate to the evolved white people.
And if that’s not bad enough, he tells his coworker that gay guys wouldn’t find the “muscly,” English-proficient David attractive. Thanks for speaking on behalf of an entire group that you may or may not be a member of, but for which you have no authority to speak.

I guess we can be thankful that Phillips wrote this ditty to serve as an example of what’s wrong with America. I can totally see why white privilege is a problem. I mean, which white people aren’t just like him?
I write this smiling, knowing that while Phillips laments his race, I’ve got a kid of unidentified origin and two Mexican laborers (I assume, that’s what the foreman called them) working on a project in my yard right now. If they do a good job, I might even invite them to the garden party (or as we call it, the barbecue) we’re throwing this weekend. I’m sure they’d be thrilled to attend. I mean how could they not?
Phillips now lives in the even grittier town of Madison, Wisconsin, no doubt a graduate of an esteemed purveyor of lefty, BS-spewing insanity inside of two coasts. The latest census says Madison is 79 percent white so I’m sure Phillips has really gotten his privilege in check.
At this point, I think it’s too late so I won’t even bother to smack Phillips upside the head with Scott Walker’s hand. Because Phillips will never understand why people think he’s a joke.


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